Every time I sit down to write this final letter of your first year, the words just don’t come to me.  What to say on such a meaningful occasion.  A year ago, Harrison and I sat on the driveway on a Thursday morning, trash day, waiting for the trash trucks to come “dump the rocks out.”  And a whirlwind of seven hours later, you’d be in my arms.  The loudest newborn scream I’d ever heard, but we were smitten.

We weren’t first time parents.  We knew the joy and love you’d bring to our house.  That there would be hard nights ahead, and easy days.  That you’d grow way too fast, and before we knew it, that we’d look at you and wonder where the bleary nights had gone and the newborn snuggles.

A year later, and the love I have for you is unending.  You watch your brother with amazement and admiration.  Squealing with delight when I take you to wake up your brother, just before we open his door.  You play peek-a-boo slapping your hands up against your eyes so your little baby cheeks wiggle.  Then peek one eye out to see what’s going on around you and laugh when someone catches you.  The floor is lava the minute you see me, insistent on being held at all times if I’m in your presence.

I haven’t shied away from loving on you.  Haven’t shied away from holding you while you fall asleep at night, savoring every last bit of your baby-ness.  I’m so proud of you already, little boy.  Proud of you.  Proud of us: mommy + baby J.  We made it.  One very full, beautiful year.  Happy birthday, my love.

I love you so big,

Mommy

Dear Jonathan v. XI

Dear Jonathan v. X

Dear Jonathan v. IX

Dear Jonathan v. VIII

Dear Jonathan v. VII

Dear Jonathan v. VI

Dear Jonathan v. V

Dear Jonathan v. IV

Dear Jonathan v. III

Happy nine months, little guy! This past month you spent two weeks at home with daddy and me after a covid scare in your class, you finally mastered getting water out of your sippy, and you are so proud of yourself, and you’re army crawling and exploring all the things. Especially Sawyer’s food and water dishes. 😬 

Every night, I put you to bed, and you fall asleep in my arms. I rock you and just stare at you, hoping to hold on to the way your face looks so peaceful. The weight of your body at nine months. The little curl tuft of hair on top of your head. 

You are so loved. I hope you never doubt it. Not even for a second. I let minutes tick by hoping that each minute bores into you a deep sense that you will always be safe and loved in your mama’s arms. 

I love you sweet boy,

Mommy

My goodness. Happy eight month birthday, little one. Your little light brightens up the whole room. Your patient demeanor and the way you sit back and take in the world makes me wonder what you think of all these crazy people around you. 

You’ve made me a better mama, learning a new little personality. Admiring your thoughtful and easy-going personality. You have me so eager to see what games you will like to play, what will interest you about your world. You’ve made my heart grow even more than I could have imagined it would grow. So very blessed to be entrusted to raise you, little boy. 

I wish I could just hold on to your sweet little baby-ness for forever. It just moves way too fast. 

Love,

Mommy

The time between five and six months sped up infinitely. We lived a whirlwind of doctors appointments, going to ‘school’ for the first time, and long cuddles of exhaustion in the evening for both of us.

Each night, though, finally, exhaling from the day and rocking you while you sleep, I remember how lucky I am. Lucky to be a mom. To be YOUR mom. To me, little boy, you are perfect. A blessing to be your calm and safe place at the end of every day. So very blessed.

Happy six months, my little love.

Love,

Mommy

(Originally posted to Instagram)

**Hey friends, I’ve been wrapped up with work lately, and didn’t get a chance to write much over the past weekend. So, instead of throwing together a bunch of posts that I don’t love, I’m going to take the rest of the week off. I’ll see you back here on Tuesday! And Go Chiefs!**

Another month of smiles, laughing, and coos. This month you’ve started interacting with us. You search for me when you hear me call your name. You watch and kick In excitement when Harrison plays with you. You’re happiest being held. Assured of your people being there. Loving you. 

Little boy. Being your mommy is the best job of all.  Watching you learn to love on your family is pure joy. I love you, baby J. So big.

Love,

Mommy