On October 18, 2014, Nathan and I vowed to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders, to stick it out through days/weeks/months of hardship. To choose each other day after day. To celebrate each other’s successes, and support each other through failures. That day, our wedding day, was magical from beginning to end. It was a beautiful fall day with leaves changing colors and sun breaking through the reds, yellows, and greens. The morning started chilly, and by the time we were riding around in the trolley taking pictures with our closest friends and their spouses, it was a beautiful 72 degrees. Our favorite kind of day.

We danced the night away, snuck away for pictures just the two of us, and ended the evening in a vintage car ride around the Plaza and a burger at a local diner to wash it all down. It was perfect. And quickly followed by another seven days of perfection in St. Lucia on the beach: basking in our love for each other, the sun, and so much food.

Five years later, and I still love to look back and reflect on our wedding day. But perhaps what’s more clear is that it hasn’t always been sheer happiness from that point out. That life has handed us our share of struggles, and we’ve had to learn (and are still learning) our share of hard lessons on being a good partner to one another.

I write this post not as a relationship expert, because, trust me, I so am not. I screw up so. much. I write this post because I often times find hope and inspiration reading someone else’s point of view. That I can take away a little tidbit, and apply it to my life or reflect on what that means in my relationship. I’ve learned a few things from our five years of marriage. We don’t always get these right, but I’ve found these things to be true in love and relationships:

-1- My husband needs my respect. 2014 Lauren believed that respecting her husband was a call to come second place in the relationship. She would have sat here and been all up on her feminist high horse about how she would never put a man above myself, and ‘I’m Miss Independent – I don’t need a man in my life’ sister. But let me explain, because I still believe I’m Miss Independent. I am simply saying that when it comes to being a good partner to my husband, I am most successful in being that partner when I show him respect. When I show him respect for the decisions he’s made, and not second-guess or undermine them. When I respect his ability to care for our child, even if I believe my way of doing something is superior. Respect that when he says he’s going to do something, that he’s going to do it. Respect him around our friends, building him up and not tearing him down. I am at my best, when I remember and practice respect all the time. And you know what? He knows that I’m Miss Independent. He totally believes I can do any last thing I choose. By myself. Because I am strong and able, and, let’s be real, that’s part of the reason he fell in love with me to begin with.

-2- Learning to fight fair is foundational to the success of a relationship. Self-awareness in how you and your partner come to an argument and deal with conflict, is sooooo important. We are at our best when we are working against our innate biases and habits in conflict. It doesn’t always mean we don’t slip back into bad habits, but it does mean that as we continue to practice our skills of successful communication and conflict resolution, it gets easier and we get better at it.

-3- It’s me and him against the world. When I finally had this epiphany, that I’m on a team with him against whatever comes at us – my entire mindset shifted. We are at our best as a couple when we are battling whatever comes at us from the world, together.

-4- Love languages are a real thing. Learning to communicate in your partner’s love language is important. Many many many years ago, Gary Chapman wrote a book about the 5 love languages. If you haven’t read it, you absolutely should. It’s a lightbulb kind of moment for so many people. To summarize the very basic premise, it means that people show and receive love in different “languages.” And that we most often default to showing love in the love language that we like to receive. But there can be a mis-match between you and your partner if they are a different love language than you.

For Nathan and myself, we don’t have the same love language. And there have also been times in our marriage where we’ve been so worn down, tired, or consumed by work, that we forget to speak any love language to each other at all. But we are at our absolute best when we make conscientious routine effort to speak love to the other person in their love language. And for me, that means setting myself a reminder every day to try to do something that day that’s going to bless my husband in the way that he best receives love.

-5- Making time for your marriage. It is so easy for all of life to get in the way of the thing that made you guys you to begin with. Even in this phase of life for us, with Nathan having big things happening for him at work, and my work, and a toddler that demands all of our attention in his waking hours, families on both sides that we want to spend time with, and not to mention friends. It’s a struggle and often times feels like at the end of the day….week….that there is just nothing left to give to your partner. But what I know for sure is that when Nathan and I routinely set aside time to focus on us for an hour or two, we are a better unit because of it. Whether it’s a date night, or simply sharing a glass of wine and working through what’s coming at us in life, we’re better for that intentional time.

Happy five years to the man I keep choosing day after day. I’m honored to have walked by your side through life.

**All wedding pictures by McBride Photo Design**