Most of you all probably know that last week, I tested positive for COVID. Both of the kids and Nathan tested positive shortly after that. We have no idea who brought it home, although, I have my guess. And so began our quarantine. Yet again. We spent five months of 2020 in quarantine, and I honestly thought that after we were vaccinated in April of 2021, the pandemic would pretty much be over for us.

Ohhhh…what wishful thinking that turned out to be now looking back.

I’m writing this at the start of another week of quarantine. A full 14 days juggling all of the tasks and responsibilities, and, of course, keeping the kids alive and healthy.

I thought I was pretty well prepared mentally for another quarantine. And a known end date quarantine at that! But wow, by the end of the first week, I could just feel how much it was weighing on me again. And all of the feelings and struggles of the previous quarantines, including those intrusive thoughts about just being down about life, came rushing back.

I know we’ve all been in this pandemic together, and our story isn’t unusual. We’ve all missed big life events and sooo many things that just haven’t gone the way we had hoped for because of this virus. But the weight of the pandemic came rushing back for me this past week. The feeling of Groundhog Day comes to mind. Counting down the minutes to the next snack time, meal time, and naps. Clocking days based on how much longer…

Feeling like you’re not being a great parent because your mind is just struggling to get through it, and you’re not being a great employee, because that seems impossible too when your family needs you to be present almost every waking minute.

And it’s wearing. I figured that getting COVID, especially this time around with this new variant, was likely inevitable. And I’m SO THANKFUL that everyone in our family didn’t suffer significantly from it. And you know, I’m really thankful to know that we have all had it, and I can stop living with anxiety and foreboding every day wondering if and when it’s going to hit us.

I know this pandemic is wearing on all of us. My point in this writing is to not receive sympathy. When I started this blog, my hope was to be able to have an outlet to tell my story: both good and bad. Struggles and joys. And right now I’m just struggling, as is part of the human experience. I know it won’t last forever. (It’ll only last exactly six more days. 😆.) I’m sharing simply that my soul is tired of carrying this load. To the very core of my being, it’s tired. And I know I’m not alone in feeling the exhaustion.

Hope you all are staying healthy. I’m hoping that this wave of COVID moves through quickly, and at the very least, that I can enjoy some activities that gave me so much anxiety about taking the kids to before this.

To those of you also dealing with your own quarantines right now, I understand. I am counting down the days to…almost normal.

I’ll see you all back here next week!