Today is a day of celebration. But will I be sad? Yes. Does today mark the end of baby years in our house? Yes. I didn’t realize fully before I had you how close our bond would be together. You see, as your daddy had to focus on taking care of the big boys each day, it was mostly just you and me day in and day out. Late nights together. So much rocking. Begging you to please sleep for just a little bit longer. Complete exhaustion.

While you were my hardest newborn baby. I knew you were my last. And there was a sense of being able to enjoy it a bit more, because I knew if would be gone in a flash. That in no time at all I would be sitting here today writing you a letter on your first birthday. I knew I’d be longing for those evenings where you’d fall asleep on my chest, and your soft hair would brush against my chin. Where we would sneak away for a quick nap together, you nestled close to me and breathing slowly and contently.

While your nights invariably got longer, and we both got to sleep through the night, a newborn fog lifted to give way to the happiest baby. Squeals of delight are commonplace with you. The way your eyes light up when your brothers talk to you. The insistence of Sawyer not leaving the table at dinnertime because she knows you will feed her half of your food. Your absolute refusal to say “mama” or “dada” when asked. But “Ba. Ba. Ba.” over and over and over again.

Your baby year has been so fully enjoyed by this family. By grandparents who were blessed to be able to help us and care for you for three months before we could get into daycare. By big brothers who were so protective of you, and so proud. By your dad, who cherished his baby Aidan snuggles. And me. Your newborn scent. Your smile. The way you’d cling to me as your safe place. You will forever be so special to me.

I pray every night for you. That you may never doubt how much you are loved. There is no greater honor than being your mom, sweet boy. For all of the ways that you filled me and completed me, I cherish you.

Happy birthday, my Aidy baby.

Mama